Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Who Are You? An Identity Crisis.

My first printed article in the local newspaper

Bit of an open question I know, but recently I often find myself wondering 'who really am I?'. I've fitted into a lot of different boxes growing up, and whilst I don't like the idea of labelling somebody, labelling gives a solid identity which I feel I have lost whilst growing up.

People are sectioned off because of their music or fashion tastes, their sexual preferences and even their race. At the moment I am finding it difficult to define myself and figure out where I want my life to go. I think that I am a pretty eclectic mix of many different things, I don't have set interests, I would say that my main 'likes' are books and discovering new things, whether that be a pointless fact on the internet, or sat in a lecture theatre learning about Walt Whitman. I have a vast music taste, and don't really have a set 'style'; I'm forever trying out new things.

Upon completing the second year of my degree (sob) I'm trying to figure out where I want my life to go. I still feel like the little 15 year old girl from high school who was shy and used too many exclamation marks, not the 20 year old who is studying for, and in a year will have completed, a degree (and still using too many exclamation marks). It's both exciting and terrifying. I feel like I should be much more grown up than I am, although, if I look objectively, I am probably a lot more capable than I think I am too. I was once told off by a teacher who told me to stop being so down on myself and comparing myself to everyone else. I think she had a point.

At the moment I'm having an identity crisis. I think I know my career path - publishing - but it is difficult to decide when I can't seem to secure any 'proper' work experience. However, having completed work experience placements where I had to write articles, which I dreaded as I have never felt myself to be a decent writer, I found myself enjoying it, I squealed when I saw that an article of mine had been printed in the local newspaper, and was even happier when, after my first day of a new work experience placement, I saw that my first article had been put on the website almost instantaneously (link here). I can't see myself in a job where I will have to solely write, I still feel like I want to immerse myself into the world of publishing and copy-editing. I'm literally taking any opportunities that happen to pass my way. I enjoy writing, hence this blog, but I struggle when it comes to writing about things I have no interest in, or no knowledge of.

As for image consciousness, I am trying to be a bit smarter, but as a girl that wore band t shirts and jeans for about 3 years, it's proving difficult. Whilst being a Uni I have discovered my 'style' I guess. I just find it difficult to merge a sense of professionalism and a sense of myself in my clothes, it's an over-used cliche, but I always dress for myself. I fear looking boring.

At this moment in time I am stuck between wanting to remain a student and live an easy life and growing up, finding a fab job and eventually, starting a family. I'm focusing on building my CV so I can find my dream job, and studying hard.

How would you define yourself? Do you ever have days where you have a crisis of identity? How do you get through it?

Thanks for reading x

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