Random Ramble: Money Management and Lack of Motivation

Hey everyone!
I hope your weeks are going well so far (I know Mondays are a bloody drag, but it can only get better from here on in, right?)
I was just in the mood to blog, so here I am. Rambling. I apologise off the bat - this won't be organised (or even coherent) but hear me out?

I'm going to admit something: I am struggling. On the whole I'd say I am a completely positive person; always happy with a grin on my face, but recently things just don't seem to be going well and I'm constantly worrying.
Whether it be money, my (disgraceful) lack of organisation, the inability to secure myself any work experience or slightly more trivial things such as my appearance, I am just at a whole loss and find myself without any direction. I know where I want to be going and what I want to be doing but have no idea how to get there.

I'm not sure if I've said directly in a blog post, but I study English Literature at uni and would eventually love to secure a job in Publishing, hopefully in Manchester. I won't go off on a lecture, but publishing jobs up North are few and far between, and the ones that do pop up now and again want work experience. I thought I was being all proactive and super-organised by looking around and emailing about placements. There are none. Everywhere is full 'for the foreseeable future'. I've taken to scouring Gumtree and have luckily found some internship type placements, but they are mainly writing placements. I'll be the first to admit I'm no great shakes at writing. Yes, I can write an adequate essay, but anything else, I'm not too sure about.

I haven't mentioned it on here yet, but I'll be working in Northern Thailand (Chiang Rai, if anyone knows Thailand) teaching English in schools over the summer, which is a fantastic opportunity, but I am getting myself into an anxious mess about funding the entire thing, as it is working out to be pretty pricey. I feel guilty whenever I spend money, which is pretty bad as it is my best friend's 21st in less than a month and I want to buy her something special and go out and dance my little feet off in my highest heels with copious amounts of alcohol flowing down my throat.  I am stuck between applying for these jobs as I may not be able to accept them (if any position comes my way) as I'll be living at home over the summer, working my arse off to fund Thailand.

I'm trying to remedy my money woes slightly by setting myself a weekly budget of about £40, which is doable, if I stem nights out and stop buying unnecessary treats (ahem, read as Starbucks). I've never been a good money-manager though. The whole thing is driving me up the wall!

I feel like I've moaned on too much, so I'll just say one more thing: I reckon I just need to get my head down and concentrate on university first and foremost, and let whatever happens, happen. As my Dad said to me at the weekend 'Look at it this way Nic, you could sit at home all summer with this left over money, or you could be a bit overdrawn but be in Thailand for six weeks. Up to you.'
Put quite that simply, it isn't a difficult choice really, is it. It just happens that when one thing gets me down, nothing else seems to go quite right either. Doubt comes creeping up on me, but I am trying my hardest to work through it!

Fingers crossed some luck with these applications comes my way, eh guys?!

I'm off to snuggle up and swoon over Ewan in Moulin Rouge! and create a to-do list for tomorrow!

Thanks for reading, it means a lot to read your comments :) x